My first summer job was a little strange, even eerie. But it taught me a few important lessons about myself and the world of work.
I lived near a cemetery and every summer there was an annual cemetery mass. For two weeks a year before the mass, it became a Mecca for the rich families of the dearly departed. And surprisingly for myself and my thirteen-year-old friends, an economic bonanza.
We would gather up all of the neighborhood gardening utensils: rakes, spades, garden shears and wheel barrows, and head off to stand sentry at one of the gates to the property. We would offer to clean up the family plots of visitors who came to check out the condition of their loved ones’ resting places. For a fee, of course.
The first thing that I learned from this job is that the early bird really does get the worm, or in our case, the work. That’s because we weren’t the only wandering band of street urchins seeking to assist the nobs with their grave keeping. At least three other gangs were actively offering their services and the one group that arrived at 9 o’clock in the morning had exclusive access over the rest of us who straggled in to work at around 11.
Soon all our happy, if sleepy, faces were firmly in place for the 9 o’clock traffic. By then, we had also agreed to a somewhat fragile truce that saw each gang stake out its territory at each of the four gates. Your location was determined by having a member of your group living closest to the gate in question.
Which helped me with the second lesson in the world of work: how to get along in the workplace. Stay out of other people’s business and territory, and learn to get along with your neighbour, whether they are in the next cubicle, or patrolling the next entrance. Somehow our informal and unspoken system worked. We all got a little work and we all made a little money.
Money – the root of all evil, my mother would often say – was our main goal. None of us had any and all of us wanted some. Not that we needed it, but we had a long list of wants: coke, chips, chocolate bars, and (don’t tell my Mom, but) cigarettes, as well. (Maybe she was right about that “evil” thing.) In any case we were young, greedy and very unwise in the ways of the world.
At first, we thought that whatever the customer would give us for our services was just great. We soon learned that the customers were shopping around amongst the four work gangs to see who would offer the cheapest price. What we were left with was one very tired and overworked group who undercut the rest of us and still ended up with less money in their pocket than before, and three groups with only a pittance from their labours.
A meeting of the oldest and biggest members from the four groups soon straightened this matter out. For our remaining days, including the two most lucrative before the cemetery mass, we had fixed prices for a small, medium, and large job that everyone agreed to, and if the customers didn’t like it, they could do the job themselves.
A very important lesson about the rights of workers and the power of getting together from a rag-tag collection of thirteen-year-olds. We had no union dues, but even then, we understood the principles of solidarity and sticking together for the benefit of all.
Finally, the most important thing that I learned about work and life was that the best part about work wasn’t the work, or even the money I got from it. What was the most fun was just hanging out with my friends, enjoying the nice summer weather, and if we never got another customer, that would be just fine with me, and them, too.
I have had lots of jobs since those early days, but few have been as much fun. Instead of working this week, maybe I’ll just go hang out with my friends. Talk about the old times and just enjoy their company. Doesn’t that sound great?
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
So are you a workaholic? The basic self-test for a problem is that if you think you have a problem, then you probably do. So what can you do about being a workaholic? The obvious answer is to work less but if it was as easy as that you would have already done it. Wouldn’t you? The first step after admitting that you have a problem is to tell someone else and then ask for help.
This help can range from the very informal like talking to a trusted family member or friend, to the very formal of joining a self-help group like Workaholics Anonymous. Yes, there is a twelve step program for workaholics. There are many other options in between.
If you feel comfortable you should start with the persons closest to you at work and open up a discussion with your supervisor or manager about how you are feeling around work and that you want to find a way to slow down. They might have some suggestions to make and they might also suggest that you talk to HR or someone in the Employee Assistance Program if you have one at work. These programs are always confidential and can provide a great outlet to just talk things over.
If you are not comfortable raising this issue at your workplace there are lots of other ways to deal with your situation. You can research the Internet or visit your local library to get suggestions and information sources. Workaholics are often so busy that they don’t have time to read so perhaps this is the first break that you make with your workaholism. Read a book. It may not matter which book it is but maybe find one that helps you slow down and learn to take it a little easier.
You may or may not want to involve a professional coach or mentor in this process but you will definitely need a friend. Use one that you can absolutely trust and ask them to help you. They will likely already know that you have a problem and be happy to help. Use them as your accountability measure and tell them all about your plans to slow down at work and break your old habits. Then put your plan into place.
Start your plan slowly, maybe by making a commitment not to work every weekend and you can always add to your plan as you go along. Tell your boss that you will not be able to work any more than a fixed number of hours, any amount less than what you already do would be an improvement. Call your family and make plans to get together since they likely haven’t seen you for a while. Finally take a deep breath and try to relax. You can do this.
When you think about working more remember the quote by Agatha Christie who turned to writing mysteries because…..“I didn’t want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself.”
Are you a workaholic? Like many other problems in life if you think you have a problem, you’re probably right. But just in case you aren’t really sure that you are a workaholic here’s a short quiz to make your own determination. If you’re still not sure at the end of the quiz just ask your family, friends, or significant other. They will tell you the truth even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. Don’t bother asking your co-workers though. They are probably in the same boat that you are.
Do you always feel rushed at work?
Do you feel trapped at work?
Is your health suffering from too much work?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
Do you feel unsatisfied about your work?
Do you have enough time for family and friends?
Do you have time for personal exercise or fun?
Do you work 50 hours or more a week?
Have you tried to slow down at work in the past but have been unable to do so?
Have you cancelled or postponed vacations because of work?
Do you work on weekends?
Do you sometimes get stuck at work?
Do you think about work while falling asleep or when you first wake up?
Do you over commit yourself at work?
Are you afraid of failing at work?
Do you eat your lunch at your desk or read work during meals?
Have you cancelled or postponed social events because of work?
If you answered yes to three or more of these questions you are a probably a workaholic. So what now? Well, admitting that you have a problem is the first step to moving towards a solution. The next step is to get some help.
What help would you offer a workaholic?
Stay tuned next week for your answers and some from “the experts”
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
If one can be grateful about the Canadian climate it is because one season kills off the bugs from the last. In winter, which is over half of the year, the flu bugs with their ever- increasing immunity from any other treatment than aspirin and bed rest, are almost completely wiped out once warm weather arrives, sometimes though not until near the end of school.
The other half of the year, it seems, we have to deal with viruses that have fallen from the heavens and delivered on the pointy ends of mosquito stingers. Nasty little viruses and diseases like SARS, and Norwalk and the potentially deadly West Nile Virus.
I was thinking how grateful I was the other morning as I was scraping the first layer of frost off my partner’s car. Gee, no mosquitoes. I have survived another year without getting West Nile. I must have been bitten 400,000 times, but none of those bloodsuckers had my name on it. Whew!
From the earliest days of Canada the Jesuits and the voyageurs there have been complaints about two things. The weather and mosquitoes. Now we find out that not only are they uncomfortable, but both can kill us. It used to be just the usually vicious and too-long winter, but now we have killer ice-storms, hurricanes, floods and droughts. The weather we know about, and we can provide ourselves some measure of protection against most of the predictable events. But mosquitoes. That’s a different story. You can run but you can’t hide.
According to Health Canada 74 species of mosquitoes are found in every part of Canada, everywhere except on a few of the small Arctic Islands. The good news is that most species do not live more than a month as adults. The bad news is that some of the larger species are long-lived, persisting from late May until August or even early September.
Other than staying indoors from May until October, which might mean that we have to stay inside all year, there is little you can do in Canada to stop being bitten by your friendly neighborhood Culicidae. (That’s Latin for mosquito.)
Oh there are plenty of suggestions that people swear will stop mosquitoes from biting: Bounce Fabric Softener Sheets, Vitamin B-1, Bananas, Vicks VapoRub, Skin So Soft. Even Vanilla Extract.
Hey, if it doesn’t work then you will smell better, especially you manly, woodsy types. And if those flagrant fragrances don’t work you can also spend your time inside building purple martin houses or better yet a bat house. Isn’t that what you always wanted in your backyard? There’s a Vancouver gardener who’s actually building and selling bat houses, if you’re keen on that idea.
One more thought. Have you always wanted a nice cuddly pet? How about a frog? He could stay inside with you all winter and live in your fern pot. And in the summer you would let him out at dusk to earn his keep.
Canadian cities and politicians have spent more time trying to deal with mosquitoes than they have on any other issue and yet, despite spraying, larvaciding, sweeping, and bombing, our summer buddies return every year. My partner’s theory is that mosquitoes bite us because they know we are afraid of them. So she puts on her best Zen smile and walks around mostly unprotected, mostly unbothered, and almost completely unbitten.
I, on the other hand, just can’t seem to avoid getting eaten alive. If I were to stand still I would be like one of those old Western guys, tied to a fiery anthill and bitten clean to the bone by sunrise. That’s because mosquitoes can find you by not only sensing your fear, they detect both carbon dioxide and lactic acid (produced by muscle metabolism) in your breath. They can also detect infra-red light from your body.
I will practice my meditation and my patience over the long winter months. Or I may order that bat house building kit I saw on the internet. Maybe I should go for a walk, it may just be safe to go outside now without my long-sleeved shirt and mosquito net. Then again, it is getting cold. Oh well. See you in June.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of the soon to be released book “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
There have been many books and stories told about the importance of having purpose to your actions and to your life and for the most part I think that people are generally effective at doing this, at least for the most important things, and at least for short bursts of time. But I have to confess that sometimes my “purposeful life” is very short lived as I use my internal power to achieve a particular goal or solve a difficult problem.
The challenge therefore is how we maintain our long term focus on our purpose in the face of our short term memory on this subject. One of the answers is to go back to what was working for us in the first place. For me that means re-acquainting myself with some of the masters. These include the all time favorites like the Dalai Lama and Wayne Dyer but also some new thinking, like BerticeBerrywho I had the opportunity to hear a few years ago. She may be young in years but she is wise in wisdom. Dr. Berry earned a Ph.D. in Sociology from Kent State Universityat the age of 26 and is a sociologist, author, lecturer and educator.
The theme of her presentation was “When You Walk With Purpose, You Collide With Destiny” and althoughBerrybelieves that purpose doesn’t come by formula, there are some steps we can follow. Here are some of her suggestions:
Reclaiming Diversity
Berry cautions us not to be trapped by the labels and stereotypes that society may place on us. We should allow our thinking and beliefs to evolve as we grow and not be ‘boxed in’ causing societal beliefs to limit our purpose. Embracing diversity doesn’t mean that we see the difference in others, but that we join with others to achieve our purpose.
Living Your Life in Thirds
“Living your life in Thirds” is her way of saying that we shouldn’t get too focused on one part of our lives at the expense of others. We are whole consisting of three different aspects: work, family, community. Thus our purpose must involve all three parts as well. Her view is that our purpose does not involve only one aspect. We need full and balanced lives to be truly successful and our purpose in life will not come from only from work, but also from social interaction and community involvement.
Being Well and Staying Well
Dr. Berry points out that we have to maintain a balance between our body and spirit in order to stay focused on achieving our purpose. This involves eating well and exercising often, and it also means feeding your brain by engaging in continuous learning.
Claiming All Parts of Yourself
Dr. Berrybelieves that everything happens for a reason and once we understand the reason for our experiences—good and bad—the easier it will be for us to grow towards the light. By honoring all experiences, we align our self with our true purpose.
Learning to Laugh More
As a humorist Berry clearly understands the link between learning and laughter. Laughter is a restorative for all of our day-to-day ills. Through finding the humor in difficult situations, life is much easier.
So… How’s your walk going these days??
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
The Power of Now
Eckhart Tolle
Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest ones and this book opened me up to the concept that I am actually more than what I just think. That my thinking might in fact be flawed and driven by my ego, which really wasn’t my friend. And that all we ever have is this moment, right now, to live and breathe and wonder. Simple but oh, so powerful!!
The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruis
Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. Four agreements to make with yourself that if you can live by them, they will rock your world and change your life. Just practice one for any period of time and see how much easier life gets.
Becoming Human
Jean Vanier
Jean Vanier is the son of a rich and famous Canadian political family. His father was the Governor General ofCanada.Vanierleft fame and fortune to work with individuals inFrancewho had serious mental disabilities. What he found was that he learned more from them than he could teach them and discovered that in order to become human he had to rediscover love and compassion.
Alcoholics Anonymous
Written by a broken down stockbroker and a drunkard doctor who found each other and founded the Twelve Step movement this book has changed the lives of millions of people. If you or someone close to you has been touched by addiction, read this book, it might help. If you or your family is in the midst of the terror and agony of addiction, read this book, it may save your life and those you love.
The Art of Happiness
The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D.
My daughter, physical age 19, emotional age 100, gave me this book because it had helped me through a difficult period when she was away from home for the very first time. It came to me just at the right moment. I was sick, depressed and ready to give up. This book gave me hope in the simplicity and brilliant wisdom of what I believe to be a living saint. Compassion and love are always his answer.
What are your powerful books?
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
There is a lot of talk today about people wanting to be authentic but the truth is that not many people actually walk the walk because it really isn’t easy being real. It’s much more comfortable to pretend, put up false fronts to please ourselves or others, or to ignore the injustices that happen right in front of us, even in our own families or workplaces. That’s why it is always powerful to meet a person or teacher who is trying to follow the path to authenticity and is willing to help point the way.
One of those teachers who is on his own road to authenticity is David Irvine. He is a successful family therapist, consultant, professional speaker, facilitator and executive coach with over 20 years experience in studying leadership. His search for leadership models has led him to work with management gurus and successful business leaders as well as spiritual guides and writers like Gary Zukov, the author of “The Seat of the Soul”, and renaissance philosopher Marsilo Ficino.
In addition to his own experience David Irvine was also heavily influenced by two very interesting books that described successful journeys to authenticity. They were “Becoming Human” by Jean Vanier and the children’s classic, “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. Jean Vanier, founded L’Arche in 1964, a community for people with intellectual disabilities and through this process underwent a journey to human maturity, a journey of bringing “our heads and our hearts together”. The Velveteen Rabbit is also the story of a journey, the journey of a toy stuffed rabbit who wants to become real. He is guided by a mentor, another stuffed animal called a Skin Horse who tells him that being real may hurt sometimes but it’s always worth it. And that we can only become real if we really believe in ourselves.
In his book “Becoming Real: Journey To Authenticity” he lays out an easy to follow plan for anyone who wants to become authentic and a great leader of their own. He believes that authentic leadership is a personal journey and that we are all born authentic with a destiny to fulfill to be our authentic self but we model and twist ourselves into something else to meet society’s demands. He defines the four components of authentic alignment as: Vision, Passion, Gifts and Contribution.
Vision
Irvine describes vision simply and succinctly as the reason that you get out of the bed in the morning. He encourages you to find what really turns you on and makes you eager to face the day. Perhaps most importantly why do you feel called to do in this work and in this life and how does your pay check link to your higher purpose?
Passion
He describes passion as anything that brings you what “deep satisfaction”. Something that when you are doing it; you lose all track of time. He offers this great quote by Gary Zukov as a guide: “When the deepest part of you becomes engaged in what you are doing … when what you do serves both yourself and others, when you do not tire on the inside … but seek the sweet satisfaction of your life and your work. What then? Then you know you are doing what you are meant to be doing.”
Gifts
We all have special, unique talents that we were given that no one else has. Things that we do very well but cannot even remember learning them. Some of our gifts may seem “so ordinary” that we can’t imagine why anybody would want to pay that much attention to them. But maybe this ordinariness is the source of our calling, maybe the most important gifts that we bring to the world that might just lead us to our true path and another level of authenticity.
Contribution
In Irvine’s view there are two kinds of people in the world: those who help, and those who hinder; those who give and those who take; those who lift, and those who lean; those who contribute, and those who consume. The question for us is which kind of person will we decide to be? Whenever we offer encouragement, support, or awaken hope in others we receive many more gifts in return, including increased self-respect, worth, and even better health.
According to David Irvine once we rediscover our vision, passion, and gifts then we are ready to make our contribution. We will also be on the path to authenticity and true leadership. Our own personal journey that will reveal the nature of our unique genius, help us stop trying to conform to other people’s models and expectations, and allow our natural channels to open.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
Thanks to my friends at Conscious Success LLC for yet another report that shows that workplace wellness programs work. They have been working for about a year with CaLLogix, aNew Hampshirebased call center company, on absenteeism, attrition rates, and health care costs. And the results are already in.
According to CaLLogix CEO Sherry Leonard, they have reduced absenteeism by 80%, reduced attrition by 50%, and cut heir health insurance premiums by 50%. Wow!! That is remarkable. But the fact is that these results are very similar to that experienced by both big and small companies all overNorth Americawho have implemented workplace wellness plans.
In addition to those basic bottom line results which are reported above, people at CaLLogix who participated in the Conscious Success program also reported a 17% decrease in stress levels, a 44% increase in focus, and a 37% increase in productivity.
The major elements of the wellness program at CaLLogix were a smoking cessation program (administered by a separate organization), stress reduction training and meditation breaks, health eating programs, theme days, customer service week and a 500+ Step Challenge where employees are encouraged to walk and keep track on pedometers that recorded 2,710 miles by participating staff.
In addition to introducing the program, management at CaLLogix have bought in as well, with special training and programs for supervisors and mandatory participation by management in group events and programs. They also play an important role in encouraging staff participation and acknowledging success.
Once again the results support the theory. If a company or organization invests in a workplace wellness program both they and their employees benefit. So if you are an employer what are you waiting for?
Next up…. How to start a workplace wellness program.
Hint: It’s kind of like how you eat an elephant.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
How you feel about yourself is totally an inside job. Yes there are external influences and other people and situations can impact you. But you are responsible for your own self-esteem. And don’t let anyone else talk you out of feeling good about yourself. Author and motivator Brian Tracy is an authority on the development of human potential and personal effectiveness. He speaks to a total audience of a quarter of a million people a year so he must have something going for him.
Tracy says that your number one job is to keep your self-esteem high if you are going to be successful in any aspect of your personal or professional life. He has developed a formula of six elements to build and maintain your self-esteem. They are goals, standards, success experiences, comparison with others, recognition and rewards.
Goals
Just setting challenging and measurable goals for yourself, writing them down and having a plan to achieve them can make you feel better about yourself and raise your self-esteem.
Standards
The higher your standards and ideals and being consistent and true to them will increase your self-respect and the more and longer you respect yourself, the more positive you will be and the longer this enhanced self-esteem will last.
Success experiences
Having measurable goals allows you to chart your progress and as you start achieving pieces of your goals you start experiencing success, small steps at a time which makes you feel like a winner.
Comparison with others
You can have high self-esteem and be successful all on your own but if you want to have even greater success then surround yourself with other successful people and read about them and learn from them.
Recognition
We all need to be recognized by those closest to us in our professional and social lives. These people are the mirror by which we judge ourselves and if it reflects a positive image of us we will feel better about ourselves. If it doesn’t, get a new mirror!!
Rewards
You may get tangible or material rewards from your successes but they need to be supplemented by rewards that you create for yourself. They can be small like a night out or big like a vacation but they are a sign to you that you value yourself and your achievements. The more you give yourself the more you will receive in positive self-esteem.
So what do you think? Does this formula work for you? What would you add or delete. Comments, as usual, welcome and appreciated.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
In my last post I offered a quiz to help you identify if you were a “people pleaser”. Not that you needed my little questionnaire to tell you about your own lifelong habit of helping people with little or no return. The real point is to help you get out of a life in the service of others (unless you are in the French Foreign Legion or have taken a vow of obedience) and to learn to serve yourself first.
Start Small to Make Big Changes
So where do we start? The same way you would you eat an elephant. By taking small bites out of a big problem. But every small step you take to stop being a doormat is a step in the right direction.
Make Yourself a Priority
Take the time to know yourself and to recognize your needs. First. Before you start thinking about she or he or they would like you to do, think about me, myself andI.Put yourself first for a change.
Think, Think, Think
Before you say yes, take the time, even a few seconds, to think about it. Then just before you agree, think again. One more time, just pause and think about whether you really want to do that thing for someone else. If the answer is yes, go ahead.
Just Say No
If you don’t really want to do something, then just say no. How hard can that be? You learned to say no at around 2 and a half and they’ve been trying to get you to stoop doing that ever since. Say it with me. No. No. No,
Re-establish Boundaries
Ah, boundaries. That’s where you end and I begin. Rediscover a new country, the country of YOU. You haven’t visited in a while. It’s the place where your needs and wants and dreams live. It’s a nice place. Make plans to visit often. Until you can learn to live here again.
Reward Success
When you do something good, like standing up for yourself, taking a small bite out of the elephant, or finally saying no, then give yourself a pat on the back. Better yet, buy yourself an ice cream, or a book, or a new pair of shoes. Acknowledge success so that you will be encouraged to keep going and get more.
Don’t Give Up
When you say yes when no was right on the tip of your tongue. Or when you put him or her or them first, again, don’t beat yourself up. The sovereign country of YOU wasn’t built in a day and you can’t change bad habits overnight. Get up off the mat, dust yourself off, and try again. Surely, but often slowly, you will get there.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
mike54martin 