Are You a “People Pleaser”?
By Mike Martin
There is nothing better than the person who is always helping out. But if that person is you and you are the only one who is helping out then it’s really not so great after all. Many of us have a not so hidden “people pleaser” inside of us that craves approval, attention or both, especially from people in authority.
This probably stems back to our childhood when we sought to get the nod of approval from a demanding, if not difficult, parent. We continue with these patterns through our friendships and into our relationships and working careers and while it sometimes achieves the desired result, more often than not, it also feels like we are being used.
Here is a little test, courtesy of St. Louiswriter Tamiko Cuellar at http://www.examiner.com/x-25339-St-Louis-Evangelical-Examiner
How do you know if you are being used?
- You find it hard to say no.
- You feel obligated to do what people ask you to do.
- You do things just to please other people.
- You constantly seek others’ approval of you.
- You let people guilt you into doing things that you really don’t want to do.
- You are always there for people but have no one to depend on when you are in need.
- You feel like doing things for people will secure their place in your life.
- You only feel like you are worth something when you are rescuing someone.
- You find yourself complaining that you give too much but keep doing it anyway.
- People often tell you that you are being used or are “too nice”.
If you answered Yes to more than one of these questions you may be a “people pleaser”.
If you answered Yes to 3 or more of these questions you are definitely a “people pleaser”.
So what can you do about it? Lots. But only if you are willing to change your behaviors, go through your fears, and stand up strong for yourself.
See my post later this week for suggestions about how to stop being a “people pleaser” and to start learning to please another very important person…. You.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Every few months it seems we have to go through the mourning of another senseless death on the streets of downtown Ottawa. This time it’s the loss of a young cyclist who was no match for the tons of steel that circled around her. I do not hate cars, in fact some of my best friends have them, but I have to say that I am growing to understand that the current mix of cars, buses, bicycles and people doesn’t mix. In fact when they are in such close proximity in the downtown core disaster is not just likely, it is inevitable.
It is also clear that the bicycle-only lane on Laurier Avenue is not a panacea for our problems and in fact it may be giving some people, both cyclists and drivers, a false sense of security. The fact is that the combination of hurried pedestrians, aggressive drivers, distracted cyclists and twelve ton buses is still a potential and daily hazard for all concerned.
Simply put it is not safe to walk or cycle downtown and if you don’t believe me then take this test. Go to any downtown intersection at 8:30 in the morning and try to cross the street at a regular pace of walking. Walk slowly but not franticly. I guarantee that someone driving a car will either honk their horn at you or point their vehicle directly at you, trying to nudge you more quickly through the intersection. And if you don’t move fast enough they will almost bump you to help you along. Riding a bike is no piece of cake either and even in the “safe” zone of Laurier Avenue, cyclists take their life in their handlebars when they approach intersections and the line-up of vehicles waiting impatiently to turn.
As noted earlier I am not anti-car. I love them for long drives and trips out of town; I just think that their days co-existing with people in downtown areas are numbered. It may come down to us or them. The fact is that 70% of all traffic fatalities and 95% of all injuries occur in urban locations and on average one person a day is killed in a motor vehicle accident every day in Canada. Not all of these are pedestrians of course but it does give you a sense about how high the risk is, as well as the tolerance we have built up for the death and dismemberment of people as a direct result of our obsession with driving.
Unless we are prepared to continue to “run like our lives depend on it” while crossing intersections in the downtown core, something has to change. So what can be done? Actually, lots.
We could look at reducing the speed limits in the downtown core. If you get hit by a car at 50 kph you are most likely going to die. At 40 kph your chances of dying are improved to 85% and at 30 kph your odds increase dramatically and you actually have a real chance, 55% of living. Certainly an option to consider if your goal is harm reduction.
We could look at shutting down the downtown core to vehicular traffic, except for buses and taxis, during peak pedestrian periods. This would probably cause major angst amongst drivers and exemptions would have to be made for multi-car vehicles, and anyone who simply cannot walk the extra four or five blocks. We would also need to find swaths of parking locations for people to park away from the core. As much as this would be an enviable option for a pedestrian like me it is not really workable for almost everyone else.
Another option that has worked in many other locations to make intersections safer is to look at stopping right turns on red lights and moving to a system where all traffic is stopped both ways to allow pedestrians to cross. After they have safely crossed then the lights turn green to go north-south, followed by a green light for east-west traffic. This is a system that is in effect in many other cities in the world, includingSan Francisco. A friend of mine recently visited there and remarked that although it looks clumsy it actually works very well and you don’t have to run across the street or dodge right-turning traffic who are trying to negotiate around you. It means that everyone has to wait their turn, but it also means that there’s a greater chance that we all get to work alive.
We need some immediate action to change course in Ottawa while we are waiting for the bigger fixes. This might be one solution that maybe nobody likes, but everyone can live with. At the same time we need to continue our public education of all those who share the roadways and sidewalks inOttawaand pedestrians in particular should never let their guard down when approaching an intersection. And of course everyone, especially drivers need to learn to relax and take a deep breath. Our lives are a little more important than people getting to work on time.
Mike Martin is an Ottawa freelance writer and workplace wellness consultant and the author of Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information please visit:
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
Ten Tips to Motivate Employees
By Mike Martin
Napoleon Bonaparte once said that “There are two levers for moving men — interest and fear,” but modern managers and supervisors have learned that there are many other ways to motivate their employees. Here then are ten more ways to motivate employees.
Understand What Motivates Employees
Every employee has their own motivation, something that drives them towards success. Your job as a manager or supervisor is to find that out. Some employers have employees check off their own motivators from a list and others do it the old fashioned way, by meeting and getting to know each of your team members. Once you know what they think motivates them you can tailor your motivational techniques to meet their needs.
Rewards Matter
We can say all we want that money isn’t everything (and it isn’t) and material things don’t matter (which at the end of the day they really don’t) but people still like rewards of all kinds and can be motivated to achieve them. Why are affinity programs so popular? It’s because they hold the promise of rewards in the future. So to the extent you can, based on your budget and organizational culture, reward early and often.
Align Your Goals with Their Goals
One of the mistakes that many businesses and organizations make is that they leave the workers out of the strategic planning process. When this happens it usually ends up that the organizational goals are miles apart from the day to day lives and ambitions of the ordinary employees. The way to remedy this is to bring more workers into the planning process at the very beginning and allow them to help shape the organizational goals for the future. They have a much better chance of being achieved if everyone in the organization believes that are worthwhile.
Create a Positive Environment
There are many things that are completely out of the hands of the manager or supervisor when it comes to motivating employees, but the working environment is not one of them. A workplace that is pleasant to come into where employees are treated with respect and feel worthwhile is not just a happy workplace, it is a productive one. It is up to the manager and supervisors to create and maintain a working space that can allow and encourage employees to reach their potential.
Celebrate Success
The speed of the modern workplace and the demands on all of us too often causes us to skip over the many minor successes that happen every day. It may not seem like a big deal to finally figure out how the latest software can actually work or to get the latest issue of the catalogue out the door on schedule but unless we stop to celebrate these small victories our staff may become complacent and demoralized. A pat on the back on the way home might be enough to keep at least one employee motivated and don’t be surprised if they share this with others.
Training Can Motivate Too
Many of us think of training only when we bring new employees into the workplace but what about the people who have been here for years? Employees often see training as a benefit, particularly when it is not directly related to their day to day duties. Lunch time seminars and workshops allow them to learn new skills or techniques to help them to grow but also to feel appreciated and happier at work.
Have Some Fun
Work is serious business, right? Work should be serious but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have some fun as well. Everyone loves pizza lunches or an extra donut or muffin in the morning. It doesn’t have to be a lot but small acts of frivolity have a way of lightening the mood and sometimes even the pressure in a busy office or workplace. You don’t have to go crazy but having a little fun can go a long ways to improving employee morale and motivating employees.
Coaching and Mentoring
Many organizations now use coaches or mentors to help senior level executives reach their potential and many others use these methods to groom their best and brightest to move into the executive suite. But what about using coaching or mentoring for other staff as well? It may not cost too much to bring in a professional coach for one day a week to work with your staff and there are probably plenty of possible mentors in your organization already. Like training this is a tangible investment in people that can only but help to motivate them to be better.
Follow Through
There is nothing more demoralizing to an employee than to be promised something and not delivered it. It causes them to question your intentions, motives and even your integrity and just as word of your good deeds get around, your lapses travel even faster. Your word is your bond with your staff and if you want not only their trust, but their commitment to go that extra mile when things are tough, stick to your commitments. If you follow through your employees will know it and appreciate it as well.
Motivate Yourself
If you are just dragging yourself around the office or if you are mooning about how good things were at the last place you worked then don’t be surprised if your employees are not too motivated to follow your directions. Enthusiasm and motivation are contagious and when it comes to motivation you are the chief cheerleader. So you had best figure out quickly what can motivate you before you try and motivate others. It might start with taking care of yourself and little things like getting enough sleep. Practicing self-improvement or even working on some of your more glaring weaknesses will also help. It is up to you to model motivation for the rest of the team. If they see a balanced and fairly happy leader at the helm then they just might be more likely to row a little harder when the water gets a little choppy.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Canada has long been a country that has been a favourite choice for immigrants for a number of reasons. Those have included reliable social services, a safe and secure environment to work and live and the possibility of economic improvement. But most of all newcomers toCanadahave valued the sense of social cohesion and relative lack of a class or caste system that limited the potential of any citizen. Today all of those important aspects of Canadian society are under attack, not just for immigrants but for all of us, and worst of all we are losing our ability and tools to prevent it from happening.
The recent Conference Board of Canada report on the income equality gap inCanadasimply highlights this situation and the dangerous extent of the decline thatCanadaand Canadians are facing. In less than ten yearsCanadahas moved from middle of the pack in income equality to 22nd place out of 32 OECD countries. Perhaps even more worrisome is the fact that our rates are declining faster than even the United States and that this occurred while we were still growing our economy and creating tons of new jobs. What will it be like when our economy starts to stagnate as some believe is now happening?
The dangers of a growing income gap between the very rich in a society and the majority are real and well documented by both social scientists and economists. We run a genuine risk of higher crime rates, poorer educational outcomes, more health related issues and the development of an economic underclass that will erode our society from the inside out. The Conference Board report and others from the OECD are simply harbingers of what’s to come, the proverbial canaries in the coal mine.
They are now being echoed by some of the same people who have benefitted most from the increasing equality gap, people who know the consequences of continuing down this road. Very smart people, like Warren Buffet in theUnited Stateswho know that it is not only the right thing to do but a strategic business decision to have the very wealthy and the corporate elite pay their fair share. The voices in Canada have not been as loud but even the Canadian Council of Chief Executives has lately and somewhat reluctantly come on board with the idea of higher taxes for ultra rich Canadians in order to ameliorate the situation.
The problem is that we may be too far down the road to affect any more than a cosmetic change to this problem for a very long time. That’s because we as a society have removed or weakened many of the mechanisms that naturally prevent the equality gap and the resultant loss in social cohesion from occurring and growing. The two main arms to battle these issues have traditionally been taxation and public services and through progressive taxes like income tax and the creation of equally accessible public services Canada has since its inception maintained some sense of equality.
The past ten years have seen an almost complete abdication of the use of these tools to make our society more fair and in fact have gone almost completely overboard in the other direction. From 1997 to 2007 a full third of all income gains went to the richest one percent of Canadians and corporate taxes have fallen every year for the last ten years. The public service as an institution has been under a full frontal assault by politicians and right wing foundations for the last twenty years and very good and practical ideas like a national drug plan or a real child care program have been dead on arrival.
But even more discouraging to people who want a level playing field in Canada has been the on-going attack on the rights of working people to protect themselves in tough economic times. Today inCanadathe very right to collective bargaining is once again on the front burner and we have a federal government who does not hesitate to threaten to impose its will on the bargaining process through intimidation and legislation. Wisconsin is closer than we think and if governments like Brad Wall’s in Saskatchewan are re-elected or those like Tim Hudak’s are elected in Ontario we will see a similar result inCanada.
Other good ideas like a guaranteed annual and adequate income have very little public credence any more, having been battered and bruised by groups like the Fraser Institute and the Harper Conservatives. We are even in danger of losing such basic implements like minimum wages and I am no longer surprised when I see articles and op-ed pieces that claim that minimum wage laws actually hurt the poor.
The only good news is that as Led Zeppelin once famously said “There’s still time to change the road you’re on”. This will mean a radical shift in our thinking about taxation, public services, and the rights of ordinary people to have an equal chance at success. Let’s hope that somebody in Ottawa is listening.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Creating Positive Workplace Attitudes
By Mike Martin
There are two types of attitude in every workplace, positive and negative attitudes. Negative attitudes can result from a series of factors including the overall workplace environment, the attitude of superiors and the individual themselves. Positive attitudes can result from the exactly the same situational and personal factors. What is the difference? The difference is in the thinking.
People with a negative attitude may have a lot of reasons to be less than positive in their workplace but the primary reason for their negativity is actually their thinking. Scientists and researchers who have studied this phenomenon have come up with a long list of thinking patterns that they call distorted thinking styles. Have a look at the list and see if you can recognize yourself or others in your workplace.
- Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
- Polarized Thinking: Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you’re a failure. There is no middle ground.
- Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once you expect it to happen over and over again.
- Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you.
- Castastrophizing: You expect disaster. you notice or hear about a problem and start “what if’s”. What if tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?”
- Personalization: Thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who’s smarter, better looking, etc.
- Control Fallacies: If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.
- Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what’s fair but other people won’t agree with you.
- Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem or reversal.
- Should: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate the rules.
- Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and boring.
- Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hope for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
- Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment.
- Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness.
- Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You feel better when the reward doesn’t come
- Passive Thinking: You believe that your wants, needs and rights are not important enough to assert with others.
Don’t be surprised if you see yourself being labeled a few times in this exercise. Where do these negative thinking patterns come from? Maybe it is your upbringing or your family dynamics or just your coping mechanism for life. In any case it really doesn’t matter how you got this way, what is important is to recognize that these patterns are contributing to a negative attitude at work and in order to create a positive attitude some things will have to change.
Where do you start? Just be recognizing your patterns you have made a beginning. This knowledge will let you see how your thinking is affecting your day to day life especially at work. For the next week keep a negative thinking log that tracks when you feel less than positive at work. Try and identify the thinking style that accompanies that feeling. Then check it against reality. Is it real or just your old thinking pattern? If it’s just your distorted thinking style then you are ready for change.
It may sound simple but the best way to deal with a negative thought is to replace it with a positive one. Your mind is a marvelous feat of engineering but it can only hold one thought at a time. If you want to change that thought just focus on something else; anything else. Amazingly that negative thought or attitude will just vanish. Then you can replace it with something positive like what a nice day it is outside or the steak you going to have for dinner. Be forewarned however, if you don’t replace it with a positive thought then the negativity will just as quickly return.
Another quick and easy way to get out of a negative funk is to find the people in your workplace who already have a positive attitude and spend more time hanging out with them. If you spend your time with negative people who are always whining and complaining, especially about work, is it any wonder that you start acting and talking like them? If you are having a particularly gloomy day those positive bright lights in your office might be able to give you a little lightness or get you back on the positive track.
There are many more ways to help create a positive attitude at work, for yourself and others. Remember that if you are the manager or supervisor then you have a double duty to try and bring and maintain a positive attitude. Your subordinates are looking to you for guidance and if you are in a downbeat mood, then don’t be surprised if the whole office follows suit. Creating that positive attitude for yourself will take time and energy but if you can do it at work, then just watch as this positivity starts to take root in the rest of your life as well.
Actually both pieces are interconnected and what you do in both areas of your life will affect the other. That’s where self-care like proper nutrition and sleep along with moderation of all vices will come in particularly helpful. If you can add some additional positives like regular exercise and some form of meditation you can quickly grow into that positive person you’d really like to be.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
Many of us are so busy that we actually disconnect our brain from our body at work. We ignore all the warning signs until it is too late. Here are a number of questions for you to answer to know when you are disconnected from your body.
If you answer yes to three or more of these you have a problem. If you answer yes to more than six you have a serious problem. If you answer yes to almost all of them, how do you know you’re not dead?
Are you??????
- Drinking lots of caffeinated drinks: coffee, tea, Red Bull, sodas, Full Throttle, etc.
- Eating mindlessly to fill up that void.
- Being ill and showing up at work.
- Not using your belly laugh.
- Calming down primarily with alcohol and drugs.
- Sleeping less than 7 hours each night, sleeping more than 10.
- Eating lots of sweets and processed foods.
- Hitting the “go” button in the morning and dropping exhausted into bed each night.
- Denying chronic pain.
- Finding the bad snacks at work. (You know where they are.)
- Resisting exercise, even not strolling around your neighborhood.
- Forgetting to touch your mate and your children.
- Over eating (eating when you are not hungry or when you’ve had enough).
- Not petting the dog or hedgehog.
- Justifying that you are so busy that you need to keep doing the above.
(Courtesy of Susie Amundsen @ wiseatwork.net. Check out her great blog for more questions and more suggestions to help.)
Get off the hamster wheel at work and get on the treadmill. Take a few days off to soak in the bath, get a message and ponder how you got into this mess and how you are going to get out. Talk to your partner, a friend or a co-worker and tell them you have a problem and need help. That is the first step to getting better. There’s more to life than work. Get out there and see for yourself.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Today I am a freelance writer, workplace wellness consultant, facilitator, mediator, investigator and author of Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People).
I am also a father to a brainy son doing his PhD in some form of math and physics of which I have very little comprehension, and a daughter whose main goal in life is to survive university so that she can resume her lifelong ambition of travelling the globe. Neither of them lives with me but we stay in touch and Dad can always be counted on in a jam.
I have a wonderful life partner who has put with so much of me that I will never repay her kindness, but I am committed to do so. She nurtured me thru my early writing days which were brutal, and my early small business days which were worse. She has held my pain for me until I was ready and able to hold it myself.
I have worked in many jobs and overcome several addictions to be where I am today. My careers have included government administrator, trade union activist, leader and senior staff advisor, warehouse worker and senior manager, speechwriter and packer in a supermarket. I have been an Executive Director in a number of not for profit organizations and a postal worker. I like working for myself best because I have trouble getting along with the boss and I love almost everything about it, except for the fact that I don’t get paid holidays. That sucks!!
I started out trying to have a blog that was also a website. Thought I could do it on the cheap in a two for one deal. The main reason for the blog was to offer my views to the world on social and political issues. Then I started added content like some of the articles I had written and then tried using my new blog to advertise my services, which if you check include just about everything except babysitting. I figure I’ve done my share of that. And the pay’s not great.
Then lo and behold I started to get comments and so I wrote even more. Kind of addictive, aren’t they, those little comments and site visit stats. Maybe I was really starting to be somebody in this great big blogosphere. So I finished up my book which was sitting in my pile for the last 5 years and thought I should share this too. But of course now I need a whole new blog, and content, just to promote my book.
If somehow you have managed to find me here, could you please tell me the way out? I’ve been in here (inside my own puffed-up head) forever. If you give me the password, I won’t tell anybody else. Promise.
Oh Yeah, who are you and how did you get here?
www.changethethingsyoucan.wordpress.com
Thanks to my new friends at several blogging support groups I am making a few changes to my blog. Hope you like them and that it makes it easier for you to navigate.
Finally got around to adding categories to my blog posts. I guess I never thought when I started this mini-project that it would grow to nearly sixty posts and a baby blog to promote my book: Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People)
I also realized that unless you really look you can’t see all of the content on the blog until you look under the pages. I will start converting these pages into blog posts over the next little while as well.
I started this blog because I wanted another forum for my writing and to offer my views to the world on a range of social and political issues. Along the way I realized that I could use this vehicle as a way to promote my work and career and finally my first published book. I saw this blog thing as my form of contact with the outside world. Now I understand it to be a two way form of communication.
If you want to sample some more of my writing in longer format I encourage you to check out the Pages, particularly the articles and the poetry, if you are so inclined.
Thank you all for the input and suggestions. I may be getting older but I hope I am getting better too.
Peace
I don’t often write on current affairs. Mostly because I seldom really know what’s going on and more often because other people (usually paid to do this) are much better than me. But the situation involving Palestine has been so badly handled by commentators from all sides that I figured I couldn’t make it any worse. So at the risk of offending some, most or all or you I will dive into the murky depths of the “Palestine” question.
First of all for the record I am not Jewish or Palestinian. Secondly I am probably one of a distinct minority who believes that both sides have a case to make. I studied the history of the Jewish people for a project in which I wrote hundreds of articles about how Jews lived, died and were persecuted in every country of the world from Bulgaria to Botswana for the last two thousand years. They have a case to make for a homeland. I am less familiar with the story of the Palestinians but I do know this. There had to be Palestinians because there was a British protectorate called Palestinewhich was carved up to make two distinct areas,Israel and the rest of Palestine. The people living on the Israeli side were basically kicked out and went to live in Jordan,Lebanonand all over the Middle East.
The Palestinians were not happy when this carving up was announced, as most people could probably understand and a series of wars began which continue up until today. They were supported by the other Arab/Muslim countries in the region who promptly kicked out most of the Jews living in their countries and from time to time ganged up to attack Israel. In most of these mini-wars the Jews were victorious, mostly because they had the support of Europe and then the Americans, and as a result they “captured” various parts of the other half ofPalestineand officially or unofficially occupied them and started building settlements in these areas. Needless to say this pissed off the Palestinians a bit more and a cycle of yelling, screaming, rock throwing combined with an occasional military bombardment ensued until today.
Today we now have the Palestinians asking for their own state at the United Nations and as an almost neutral observer you would have to agree. Why can’t they have their own country likeIsraelhas on their side of the fence? (Oh yeah, the Fence: built by Israel to secure its “borders” and snakes through the whole of what was once Palestine to ensure that all its settlements are inside the fence). Instead of being a slam-dunk the major countries of the world including theUnited StatesandCanada(not thatCanadais a major country anymore, and why the heck are we involved anyway?) are apoplectically opposed. What difference will it really make one way or the other? You would think that Barack Obama would have bigger issues to deal with than this… Just saying.
I guess I still have more questions than answers but somehow it feels better to write about it than to think about it. Thank you for letting me have my therapy session. Anybody who actually knows anything is certainly welcome to comment. Not that anyone will pay attention.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and wellness consultant. He is the author of Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People)
Another Path to Serenity: Nature
By Mike Martin
Excerpted from Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People)
Most of us now live in cities or semi-urban areas, concrete and asphalt jungles with a sprinkling of trees in boxes or planters. Our lawns are painted green with a toxic mix of insecticide and pesticides. Our flowers are often exported from exotic locales and transported to us to recreate our own mini-versions of the Garden of Eden that we have seen on the all-shopping network. The few wild creatures that wander into our domains are treated as nuisances or destroyed by our garbage and toxic fumes. We drive our carbon dioxide spewing SUV’s and mini-vans into the “country” to get a breath of fresh air.
We live in a world of constant chaos and commotion. Almost nothing around us is natural. It is no wonder that so many of us are in inner turmoil as the natural world around us suffers so much. To reclaim our inner peace and serenity we have to find a way to reconnect with nature and the natural forces that hold the key to our individual and collective survival.
Luckily for us, all is not lost, yet. In the biggest and most powerful city of the world sits an oasis of hope and a signal to all others. Central Park in New York Citymakes the Big Apple not only livable but creates a perfect place to recapture serenity in the midst of the storm.Acreafter acre of trees and grass and squirrels and people intermingling in the sun and rain and snow. If NYC can do it then so can all the rest of us.
In every town and city there are parks and trails and naturally preserved areas. Walk, or if you have to, drive to the one nearest you. Stroll through the plants and trees and just listen. Listen to the chattering chipmunks and the mad-cap birds. Smell the green that’s in the air. Rest for a moment on the grass with your back against the sturdy arms of an old tree. Close your eyes and see the beauty that is inside you. Open them to see it all around you.
There are no alarm clocks or cell phones here. No traffic lights or exhaust fumes. No pell-mell rushing but the simple playing and resting and feeding and loving that is already present in our heart waiting to receive it. Take one last deep breath and let it flow down to your toes and back up into your addled brain.
Feel the release when you breathe out, like all of your troubles are gone, which they are. Don’t think about anything. Just be.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and workplace wellness consultant. He has written and published thousands of articles about workplace issues for magazines and publications in Canada, the United States and New Zealand. He has worked in human resources for over thirty years and has experience both as a senior manager and a union leader. For the past fifteen years he has worked with dozens of small, medium and large organizations in the areas of workplace intervention and conflict management.
To order Change the Things You Can please visit: http://booklocker.com/books/5576.html
mike54martin 