Choose Your Own Path to Serenity
Serenity is the calm within the storm. The feeling of being just okay as all the world is erupting in chaos. It is not a numbness of feeling but rather a gentle comfort. It’s knowing that somehow, someway, you can find your way through a situation that is difficult or one that causes fear or profound anxiety.
This usually involves a connection with something outside of yourself and re-connects you with your core or your spirit. It can be religious or ritualistic, tangible or tantric, but it must feel as real as the fear that grips you and holds your heart still. If you have found your path to serenity then nourish it like a flower and watch it bloom and grow.
If not, then here are a few suggestions that might work for you. None of these ideas are new or original. Peace and serenity are universal. Find one or more that might work for you and include practicing it every day just like your coffee in the morning.
Nature
We live in a world of constant chaos and commotion. Almost nothing around us is natural. It is no wonder that so many of us are in inner turmoil as the natural world around us suffers so much. To reclaim our inner peace and serenity we have to find a way to reconnect with nature and the natural forces that hold the key to our individual and collective survival.
In every town and city there are parks and trails and naturally preserved areas. Walk to the one nearest you. Stroll through the plants and trees and just listen to the chattering squirrels and the mad-cap birds. Smell the green that’s in the air. Rest for a moment on the grass with your back against the sturdy arms of an old tree. Close your eyes and see the beauty that is inside you. Open them to see it all around you. Take one last deep breath and let it flow down to your toes and back up into your addled brain.
Meditation
Meditation has been called many things but I am most comfortable in thinking about meditation as relaxation for the brain. While I am not an expert and an irregular practitioner in the art of meditation I do like the conscious act of not thinking.
Find a quiet place and close your eyes. Relax all of your muscles and begin to breathe slowly, focusing all of your energy on the air that is flowing in and out of your body. Then you can begin to start your meditation, pushing out all thoughts until your mind feels free.
Now the hard part. As your body grows quiet and your mind grows still watch as the thoughts start trickling in. Notice them but let them pass, like leaves floating the river. After about five minutes you will notice that the thoughts become fewer and fewer. Finally you feel that moment of release when your mind is completely clear. You feel calm and serene.
Music
Many of us find peace, comfort and serenity in music. The style of music that you choose to use is completely up to you. As long as it quiets your mind and takes you away from the hustle and bustle of your life it can help you achieve at least a degree of serenity in the midst of the chaos.
Sometimes a favorite piece of music will remind you of a pleasant memory from your past and it may make you laugh or even cry. Remember that your feelings are always good, even when they hurt. They are a connection to that special place inside our minds, messages from inside our consciousness, like an e-mail from our heart.
Prayer
Religious people understand the power of prayer to heal and give comfort even in the moments of great tragedy and despair. Sometimes it is all they have to offer another person in turmoil or grief. There is a gentle release of fears and anxiety when you pray and some of the time your prayers are even answered.
Even non-religious people can learn to use prayer to help them achieve serenity by connecting first with their innermost feelings, and then with other people. One example of this type of prayer was inCanada’s capital city ofOttawain the days following September 11, 2001. 100,000 people gathered on Parliament Hill at lunch time to listen to a few short messages of condolence from politicians and then without any formal prayers from any religious leader, they stood quietly and silently prayed.
I know because I was there. I don’t know what the others prayed for, to, or about, but I prayed for whatever goodness there was in the world to bring comfort to the victims and their families, and peace to the world.
Anyone who was there on that day felt the connection, to themselves and others. It was quiet, and comfortable, and serene.
Walking
One of the best forms of exercise known to humans is walking. Walking burns fat and build muscles to speed up your metabolism. Walking an hour a day is also associated with cutting your risk of heart disease, breast cancer, colon cancer, diabetes and stroke. But walking is not only good for the body but good for the spirit as well.
Walking is cheap, efficient, and as a side benefit it clears your head. Get a comfortable pair of shoes and start with a brisk fifteen-minute walk at lunchtime. Try not to think about anything in particular and notice what you see or hear. In times of extreme stress or anxiety, nothing beats going for a walk. Walking might be your first steps towards a lifetime of serenity.
Solitude
Being alone is a frightening thought for many of us. All of our lives we have been with other people. As children we live with our families and as teenagers we gather in groups and share classrooms and dormitories. As adults we are part of companies and organizations and create our own network of family and friends so that we are almost never really alone.
We have a very real, physical need of the company of others in our lives. This companionship is crucial to our sense of belonging in the world. We grow in our relationships with other people by watching them succeed and fail, survive or fall. We listen and learn and confide our secrets to them. It keeps us sane and balanced.
But just as important to our sanity and fundamental to our serenity is the time that we spend alone. We may not have much of it in our lives, especially with our other commitments, but we need to take advantage of those opportunities to practice solitude, the act of being alone and comfortable with ourselves.
Solitude is a way to reclaim the essential “you”, the spirit that lives inside your stretched skin. It is a time to know yourself, to evaluate your progress in life, to regenerate your batteries for the next Mount Everest that you hope to climb.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Humans have developed a strange trait that is more common in men than women. That trait allows us to not ask questions and yet still assume we know the answers. When you are dealing with a difficult person in your life, even if you’re afraid, try asking them some direct questions. What’s the worst that can happen, they’re already intolerable? And you may even get some answers.
Why don’t we ask questions more often? Some people like to pretend they are smarter than they really are and others somehow see it as a failure of some sort on their behalf. Asking questions is not an admission of failure. It is a statement of your intention to understand or be understood.
There is an old Chinese proverb that says “He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask questions is a fool forever”. Which would you prefer? In addition to not being considered a fool most of us would prefer to be successful. Sometimes to be successful we have to ask for help.
Some people don’t ask questions of the difficult people in their life because they don’t want to hear the answer. Because knowing the truth about a situation may move them out of their comfort zone and might force them to take an action that they don’t know if they can handle. But if you want to know what’s really going on inside the head of the difficult person, why not just ask? In the immortal words of one of my heroes, Kermit the Frog “Asking questions is a very good way to find out about something.” Try it you might like it.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Conflict Management: Pitfalls to Avoid
By Mike Martin
Conflict is a natural and inevitable occurrence in everyday life and in the workplace. Sometimes this conflict can be harnessed to produce a better product or service but most of the time conflict, particularly in the workplace, will need to be resolved before any forward progress is achieved. There are as many ways to resolve conflict as the types of conflict that might arise. They include negotiation or mediation amongst the parties or the intervention of a manager or outside resource to settle the issue.
Regardless of what measure is used to resolve or diminish the conflict there are a number of pitfalls for managers and supervisors to avoid in conflict management. Here are just a few of them.
Not Taking Your Share of the Blame
In many cases of conflict in the workplace the manager or supervisor has contributed to the problem that let to the rise of the conflict in the first place. Sometimes it is because of a lack of clarity in direction or policy and in others it is because of a new policy directive that changes the dynamic of a team or the entire workplace. Own up to your share of the blame and it may encourage the warring parties to lay down their swords.
Poor Communication
Conflict is often the result of a breakdown in communications between the parties. Sometimes this breakdown happens because there are no clear guidelines from management on what to do in certain situations. If that is the case you can rectify this by issuing or re-issuing clear guidelines about the issue in question. Then at least the parties in conflict will know what the ground rules are and maybe can start talking about how to resolve the issue rather than fighting over it. Helping to open a line of communication between the parties is a role that managers and supervisors should and must play.
Moving too Fast
A wise man once said “seek first to understand and then respond to be understood.” Before moving too fast to intervene in a contract you need to take the time to get the facts from all those involved. You should also take a moment pause before you intervene in a conflict. In some cases your early actions may preclude the parties from reaching an agreement amongst themselves. Then they may grow dependent on the supervisor or manager to resolve all their differences and will not learn the skills they need to resolve problems on their own.
Moving Too Slow
Conflicts usually erupt after a long period of gestation underground. They just simmer beneath the surface waiting for an opportunity to emerge and by the time they come to the forefront they erupt like a volcano. A good manager should have a handle on the pulse of their workplace and as petty resentments arise you can deal with them sooner rather than letting them fester and grow. Small issues can become major conflicts unless you deal with them sooner rather than later.
Inconsistency
Nothing seems to rile people more than to think that they are being treated differently or not as well as other workers. Inconsistency from supervisors or managers is a recipe for conflict. It may not come out right away but a sense of injustice or unfairness will often lead good and cooperative workers to start taking a harder stance in discussions on other issues with their co-workers. This in turn will bring a strong and negative reaction from other workers and just when you need everyone to pull together on a major project a needless and harmful conflict may arise.
Reacting with Your Heart Instead of Your Head
More than anything else a manager must keep their cool when a conflict arises. There may be all adults in your workplace but every now and then you need to be the parent. There are usually enough people yelling at each other during a conflict. You don’t need to add to this background noise. If you can model good behaviour and not let your emotions boil over then maybe, just maybe, the parties in conflict may follow your lead.
Taking the Short Term Fix
The easiest thing to do to resolve a conflict is to promise something now that you hope won’t hurt you in the future. Resist the temptation. Your job is to help resolve the conflict but it is also your responsibility to think of the long term. Don’t make a short term fix unless you are absolutely confident that it won’t come back to bite you in the long run.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Workplace Wellness: Not Just Health and Safety
By Mike Martin
At one time workplace wellness had two basic elements; workplace safety and accident and injury prevention. Those are two very important aspects of a healthy workplace but both employers and employers have realized that there are many more elements to creating healthy workplaces and for about ten years many organizations have developed comprehensive workplace wellness programs that deal with the holistic health and well-being of their workforce.
The evolution of workplace wellness came about as a result of a number of factors. First of all research began to confirm that poor lifestyle choices like physical inactivity, poor diet, and tobacco smoking were direct factors in most chronic illnesses and diseases. Secondly as the level of stress increased in society and the workplace, the costs of providing employee benefits like prescription drugs to treat mental illness and depression were skyrocketing. Thirdly employers began to realize that they were losing valuable time and productivity that was directly related to their employee’s health. It just made good business and economic sense to invest in their employee’s health and so the workplace wellness boom began.
Ten years later the research shows that workplace wellness programs are having a real and tangible impact on not only the health of the workers involved but on the companies who made the investments bottom line. Workplace wellness programs have been proven to deliver returns to employers of anywhere from $2.00 to $10.00 for every dollar spent. These returns have come in the form of increased productivity, reduced sick time and absenteeism, lower costs to provide employee health benefits, and reduced Workers Compensation claims.
Some examples to prove the point are the Canada Life Insurance company which reported a return of $3.43 on their fitness program, and an overall return on investment of $6.85 on each corporate dollar invested in productivity gains, reduced turnover and decreased medical claims. InTorontocivic employees who participated in the “Metro Fit” fitness programs missed 3.35 fewer days in the first six months of the program than employees not enrolled in the program. And in British Columbia B.C Hydro employees who participated in their workplace fitness program had a turnover rate of just 3.5% compared with a company average of 10.3%. There are dozens of other examples out there from both major corporations and small operations that make the case. Workplace wellness programs deliver results for both the employer and the employee.
Employers benefit from workplace wellness programs by reducing the costs of disability claims, prescription drugs, and absenteeism. They also benefit by improving morale which leads to happier and more productive employees. In addition these programs help reduce the stress in the workplace and make it easier for employers to attract and retain their employees.
Employees benefit from workplace wellness programs by becoming more aware of ways to improve their own health and by working in a stress-reduced workplace. All employees who participate in wellness activities in the workplace attain some improvement in their overall health and many report greater job satisfaction and improved morale. They are also less likely to be injured at work and are able to reduce their personal health costs.
There are three major components to a comprehensive workplace wellness program: Prevention, Recognition, and Assistance and an effective program should consist of some activities that touch on each of these elements. Some companies begin with simple programs like information sessions on healthy eating or by offering smoking cessation programs. Other organizations plan variety of activities so that employees can pick and choose which program best suits their needs.
Both approaches work well in introducing the concept of wellness into the workplace and over a period of time the employer can see which types of programs are most popular with their staff group and stop offering the poorly attended yoga classes at noon. The range of activities under the major themes of Prevention, Recognition, and Assistance is endless from providing ergonomic work stations, offering first aid and CPR courses, to making healthy snacks available in the workplace. Once an organization has tried out several options it can tailor its own workplace wellness program to meet the specific needs of its employees in line with its own corporate goals and objectives.
Workplace wellness programs are alive and thriving because they work for both employees and the employer. We can never forget about basic safety and accident prevention. Those programs should and must continue. But adding more elements to these basics has proven to be a great success.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Here is my letter to editor sent to the Ottawa Citizen today. They may not print it but I want to show my support.
Dear Editor
I am writing about the labour situation at Canada Post. I have owned and operated a small business for the last ten years. I rely on the mail for my billing and payments. I support the postal workers in this dispute for a number of reasons.
I believe that postal workers are fighting not just for themselves but for the rest of us, and more importantly, our children. If Canada Post and the Federal Government can break this union then I think it will be bad news for everyone except the very rich in Canada.
Do we really want a future where our children make less money than we did? Do we really want a future where nobody but bank presidents and ex-CEO’s of AirCanadacan afford to retire?
I want my mail back but I also want a better future for my children. That’s why I am supporting the postal workers.
One of the few good things the Conservatives will do is to finally get people to get off the fence to declare which side they are on. Their first acts in this new Parliament show that they will not be afraid to show their true-blue right wing credentials and what better targets than the workers at Air Canada and Canada Post.
In cahoots with management they have declared themselves to be on the side of big corporations and against working people. That’s not a great surprise but the swiftness of their actions show that they know they have a majority and are not afraid to use it to support their friends and their interests.
Their allies in the media are already out there building support for these actions. Like Margaret Wente in the Globe earlier this week who said that in her view we would all be better off it we just got rid of those pesky unions and especially if we could get rid of their pensions along with them. What I don’t understand exactly is who that “we” is any more. I guess it’s more like the royal “we”: Harper and the Conservatives along with the big corps and their friendly media toadies. Not much new there except that the movie we have been watching is now in high definition. It will be easier to see whose side people are on.
It now looks like the CAW has reached a deal with AirCanadathat will allow that corporation to reduce wages and gut the pension benefits for new employees. That leaves only CUPW and postal workers in the Conservative’s line of fire. That will make them and the Sun (Fox North) News network very happy. Watch for even more use of the “dangerous and reckless” words over the next few days. It seems to be the Harper’s new mantra. But also watch CUPW and the posties. They may still have a few tricks up their sleeves and are to some people’s surprise actually winning a fair amount of public support, even with the demonizing that is going on in the media.
That’s where the rest of “us’ come in. CUPW will need active voices speaking out on their issues. They will need people like you and me who care about what kind of jobs our kids might have and whether or not both of us will ever be able to retire to stand with them. It’s time to show which side you’re on.
Change the Things You Can
By Mike Martin
One of the great lessons I learned in life was to stop focusing on other people but to focus on what I can change about myself. I only wish it had happened twenty years earlier, especially when it comes to dealing with the difficult people in my life. I have made every mistake in the book and then some but after all those mistakes and writing hundreds of articles about resolving conflict in the workplace, dealing with bullies, and trying to improve the health and wellness of the modern workplace I finally got it.
There are some common characteristics of difficult people but every single difficult person that we encounter is different. That makes it harder to prescribe a simple remedy and needs a wide arsenal of tools in order to deal with “your” difficult person. But two things are almost always true about any difficult person. One is that no matter what you do you cannot change them. They have hardened their skins and their brains against any attempt to alter their behaviors and they are determined to stay difficult.
Secondly, if you are particularly bothered by someone then you have to do something about yourself or the situation. As Mahatma Gandhi said “You must be the change that you want to see in the world.” But if it makes you feel any better go ahead and try to change the difficult person in your life. Let me know how that works out for you.
The good news is that if you are willing there are lots of things you can actually change about yourself, at any age. They include your thinking when you are open to new ideas and your attitude when you are willing to try a different approach. When you are faced with a particularly difficult situation in your life it’s important to remember that you always have choices.
The first is whether or not you want to stay in that situation. This can apply to a job or a company or organization, a relationship or even a marriage, even small situations like a restaurant that is too crowded or noisy for you to feel comfortable in. It is true that there are consequences if you decide to leave that may be extreme or very minute but don’t fall into the trap of saying that you are stuck. You always have a choice.
If your decision is to stay in that noisy café, lousy job or unsatisfying relationship then you will still have choices but they will be limited. It is unlikely that the company you work for will suddenly change how it treats you or that the restaurant owner will shop up and tell everybody else to be quiet. It is almost equally unlikely that the other person in your marriage is going to change the way you want, no matter how much you may want it.
The reality is that you can either accept the difficult situation or person exactly as they are and hope that someday they or it will improve or you can whine, complain, or work out. One path will let you sleep at night; the other has the potential to become a living nightmare. The choice is up to you.
Mike Martin is a freelance writer and consultant specializing in workplace wellness and conflict resolution. He is the author of “Change the Things You Can” (Dealing with Difficult People). For more information about Mike please visit:
Reports out of Europe and Israel say that Stephen Harper blocked Obama’s call for peace between Israel and the Palestinians based on the 1967 borders. Israeli media also reported that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called Stephen Harper to ask him to do it.
Both European and Israeli media have been hounding Harper for a reply but the Canadian media seems to have already moved on. Harper refused to answer questions about it while visiting Greece but his spokesperson is quoted as saying that Harper did not discuss the G8 meetings with Netanyahu. Case closed, as far as they are concerned.
This whole thing comes as a backdrop for the greatest hope for peace in the Middle East in decades but instead of supporting Obama’s peace initiative Harper crapped all over. Both American and European diplomats are pissed and they have been quoted as saying that Harper insisted any reference toIsrael’s old borders be dropped.
Harper does not even deny this but mumbled something about the fact that Canada’s policy hasn’t changed.
Here’s what his spokesperson said:
“The PM’s views are long-standing and well-known on theMiddle Eastprocess toward a two state solution,” according to Dmitri Soudas. “Canadian policy on these issues is long-standing. It’s important that any statement on the Middle Eastalways have balanced references to the various positions and the G8 statement is a balanced statement.”
Excuse me, but what exactly is Canadian policy? I think I know what Harper’s policy is but that is not long-standing nor is it balanced. If you want to send a note to Harper with your thoughts here is his e-mail: pm@pm.gc.ca
The Ontario New Democrats have made corporate taxes a key campaign theme for the fall Provincial Election. Good. The McGuinty Liberals are following Stephen Harper’s lead and further reducing the taxes that corporations pay in Ontario and Tim Hudak’s PC’s would really like to get rid of all corporate taxes and stick the rest of us with the bill, not to mention kicking the s**t out of the public sector and making prisoners work the chain gang.
That leaves the NDP as the only real choice that progressive and dare I say it “liberal” voters have in this election. The NDP leader Andrea Horwath is also making a smart move to delineate small from big business and while raising big corporation’s taxes to 14% from 10%, she would leave small business and the manufacturing sector at the current rates.
I also like how she plans to spend the recouped revenue: by cutting the HST from heating and hydro bills. The NDP was the first out with a plan to help families by promising to cut electricity costs through a reduction of the HST and now she is showing how the NDP could pay for it. Smart!!
There will be the usual caterwauling from the big business lobby and the Sun media evil empire but it’s hard to knock a plan that would do so much for so many while hurting so few. It’s going to be a fun summer inOntario. If it ever stops raining!!
Despite my numerous failed attempts at predicting the future I march on undeterred. Here are a few things that I think will happen on the Canadian political scene in the days and months ahead.
We will have a strong opposition!!
The NDP under Jack and his 103 member caucus will give us for the first time in a long time a strong opposition in Parliament. For the last five years the opposition has been weakened by fear of another election, leadership disputes, and a focus on regional issues. That will change as soon as the House opens. For activists it means that we will have a voice inside as we organize outside. We cannot sit back and wait for the NDP to look after us, we have to organize ourselves and then ask them to carry the message.
Our new, young and old NDP MP’s will be great!!
Our returning NDP MP’s are already great and they will be rearin’ to go. And despite the caterwauling from the media and some sore losers the new MP’s will be exciting to watch. Most are young, smart and will bring energy into the staid old House of Commons. Some of them will screw up but they will be far better than many of the people who held the seats before them. At the very least they will be honest which is more than can be said for some previous MP’s and Senators.
We have a chance to turn some things around!!
The Conservative majority will likely keep a tight rein on their financial plans and that will mean that it is unlikely to make a lot of progress on that front. But together with the NDP we can continue to promote economic equality as a principle and tax fairness as a right. I believe that we have strong public support for both measures and can back the Tories into a corner on these issues. They may not break but we can make them bend and if these can somehow be turned into election issues then we do have a chance for government the next time around.
The NDP can get some things for us!!
The Cons will not want to fight the NDP to the wall on every issue and social activists should think about what our short list would be. The key is to make it a short enough list so that the NDP can actually deliver. I have an open mind on this but I think there are a few symbolic victories that we should get right away. They might include things like the Court Challenges Fund or re-funding the Sisters in Spirit campaign. They may be symbolic but they are also very real to the people involved in this work.
Peace will have a chance!!
After too many years of war Canadian troops will be leaving the battlefield inAfghanistanand maybe we start having a new discussion about the role ofCanada’s military as peacekeepers again. The NDP will play a leading part in these discussions and peace may finally have a chance again.
We can pull the compass back towards the left!!
There will not be too much middle ground left in the House of Commons, although everyone will try and play to it. The reality is that we will have two main parties, one on the right and one on the left. The Conservatives have managed to pull the compass far over across the centre into the right. Jack and his caucus have an opportunity to pull it back our way. We cannot count on the mainstream media to help us with this; we will have to do it on our own. But if we are smart, creative and use groups like the CCPA and Canadians for Tax Fairness to bolster our arguments we have a chance. It will be a lot of work but I am ready. Are you?
